Have a great day! Peace + Love Linda
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March 3, 2017 Update - the pilot projects I have been on for the past 5 years I traversed on a virtual journey, hermitage has found solid ground, permanent virtual spaces: Public Releases Towards Global Trauma Healing, Healing Trauma Community, My Core Matrix + Nostalgia. I will continue to share as the words, works come to me. Peace + Love Linda
Good evening All - a couple of more months has lapsed since my last entry, summer is over and fall has arrived. My apologies for the gift website my friend sent me, tried to copy and paste, but this did not work out. It was an amazing score of music with photos from around the world named "Life 2." If I ever find it again, I will post.
My deep sense of stillness led me to the idea of going into a kind of virtual hermitage [the current state I'm in and what this exactly means...virtual [cyberspace - dialogue] hermitage fits for my current lifestyle and ground [solitude], but where to post this experience...here or in the Jung, Alchemy + The Tree of Life [started there], remains uncertain to me. However, I do want to dive deeper into my past, the lives of mystic women in my ancestry, the pilgrimage I went on to learn about Saint Marguerite d'Youville...sharing what comes to me...hoping there are others out there interested in this same type of exploration...so, we can deep dive together...waiting for a message...not sure I could even put into words what this past 7 month experience was like for me...I do believe there are some similar old saying along this line...You don't know what you have been into until your out of it...this I do know and will share more as the words come to me...Peace + Love Linda
Good early morning All - well July 13th has come and gone, 5 months since Feb 13 when I got some messages, started this amazing and unbelievable sojourn into powerful moments, images, heartfelt expressions and music. There is a deep sense of stillness with me now and some key items are now resolved which is a huge relief. So what do I receive tonight - an awesome gift about Life from a dear friend that I simply want to share...Peace + Love Linda
JULY 7, 2015 – UPDATE: 9 TOG ALBUMS:
Good morning all – Last night I completed ‘categorically’ placing the remaining of the 150 photos gifted to me in Feb 2015 Goggle+ Landscape Community, in the separated themes, except for 13 images for submission into my own personal healing albums [#0, 1, 2 + 3] which I am currently unable to share. You may notice I am trying to put the theme category and a numbers on each image and I do believe I have this done too. I will have to go back and change some of the earlier entries when I had no idea what I was doing in this creative process.
I am still trying to find the right DPA “privacy” settings for use with all these albums, so my posts do not end up on the Goggle ‘search engine’ by picking up on my name…for I am way out there now…so I have stopped using “anyone” can view in the settings. In honour of the sacred nature of my personal sharing [high risk of exposure, raw, vulnerable historic material], and the privacy of members, who are beginning to contribute/sharing of their images within the 9 Themes of Grief Albums [A – I], I have set my privacy settings to members, mostly friends with moderation.
I noticed that when I work on the images, they ended up in “Latest Activities” and I do not mean to have all of my working with the images show up there, so this morning I removed “publish events” but left “posting of comments and blog posts clicked - free to be viewed by DPA community members. But this might not work either. I am trying, learning as I go along, and if you have any suggestions on how I can make “My Page” setting respectful of your sharing images with me [the privacy settings required for the depth of “heart + soul” sharing that remains my intention], please do help me and provide me with feedback.
Bonnie has been so patient, kind with me as I try to find a way to make my personal and grief image sharing and settings suitable for a way, of this my dream – to elevate and make more visible anomalous [numinous] experiences.
At age 37 when I started academia, I quickly became aware that my way was much different from the clinical models of care and understanding applied in the front lines of health care services. Due to my life experiences, my travels are spiritually lead and very much at heart + soul [love] bound. When asked in my Masters which theory I would align myself with [seemed like an odd question to ask]; that is how naive I remained in my suspended states. The models of “psyche” practical, front-line care arose out of the Freudian psychoanalytical and/or behavioural theory driven realms and “cognitive” theories, aligned professionals were emerging on the scene. My professor directly asked, “Will you focus on cognitions, behaviours or feelings?” I was the odd one in the class who choose feelings and my teacher stated was, “Really?” Needless to say, my clinical [practical] and thesis [theory] academic process was atypical from my peer’s practicum placement settings. When we did oral reviews of our thesis drafts, my professor admitted to not comprehend all if what I was sharing. So, when asked to “choose” [hone in] on an ideology [theorem], I settled on that which I could connect with, at that time - “Existentialism” within the addition, content and context of “Open + Closed Systems, hence my thesis – Transforming Counselling Theory.
Finally today, I got, now understand why I have not been inclined to get into Jungian “dreams and dream analysis” and why I was “triggered” [so long ago in my placement into an acute care, Young Adult Psychiatric placement for 6 weeks] in 1974. Three students were placed there. Two of us were mature students [been in practical nursing for years]. Every morning the head nurse would simply ask, “Tell me about your dream last night.” For 6 weeks I remained silent for I had none to share. I slept in a state I now refer to as “coma sleep.” I did not find out until I was 55 that I had a mild degree of Alexithymia, moderate degree of C-PTSD + autoimmune disease in remission.
It was not until my PhD process, revisiting of my Masters thesis and entrance into advanced theories, instruction and learning of the proposed, new paradigm shifts: state-dependent memory, learning + behaviour [SDMLB], Wave Phenomena, Flow [Peak Experiences], Thalantopics, Bereavement, Vibrational Medicine and Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder [C-PTSD], that I had found the language that resonated experientially within my heart + soul. Much has changed over the past 50 years in the helping professions, but we still have a long way to go in our understanding of invisible wounds, the impact of rude awakenings and degrees of existential angst within the context of traumatic bereavement. Hope my privacy settings are in synch with my intentions and use with my friends within the DPA community. Thanks for reading, caring and sharing on what matters most to my/our hearts + souls...Peace + Love Linda
JULY 2, 2015 – Launching My Photopoetic Megamomentaries Albums:
Thank you to all this past 5 months, especially Bonnie, Eva, Judith and Johanna [bringing Gillian - Screen] the sharing and caring I have received from February, Friday 13th, when I had no idea what I was getting into, just knowing I wanted to celebrate my 50th Anniversary since entering the helping professions. Most of my intimate, deep heart + soul felt connections with the people [confidants] I shared some of my deepest moments…anomalous experiences…able to just be in these states/places with each other…have died, left planet earth – moved/passed on…and so...I joined Goggle+, specifically the Landscape Photographers Community asking for help…donations of photos…to use and for the purpose of working with Susan Carter’s 9 Themes of Grief  and my ongoing journey of healing traumatic bereavement.
I spent 6 weeks in an amazing virtual place/space [warp, beam me up zone], received 1500 hits with comments, posters or photos. I selected 13 photographers and settled on 150 photos, which I believed would be helpful working with/through the phenomena of traumatic bereavement. Then, I got my first phone bill and the internet cost for this adventure was $850.00. I live in a rural area that has limited internet service. I was over my plan limit of $85.00 for 5 Gigs of information a month…and as a senior on a fixed income, abruptly and sadly, I immediately had to shut the celebration down. This 6 week, Google+ Virtual, Global Healing of Grief Journey was astoundingly phenomenal. So many people from around the globe connecting, contributing – hungry and willing to sharing their grief images, words and stories!
It was difficult to prematurely leave this positive, active group experience. The image gifts alongside the deep connections made, with a few, shall never be forgotten. There are no words to express my gratitude to them all for their time and profound captured moments [images] shared with me. This was quite the healing ritual beyond time, place and space…so spiritual…so surreal! Then I thought, perhaps I could finish my celebration, share these amazing gifts [images] with my new found virtual community that feels like a family system to me…after all, most of my loved ones are in the ethers…the DPA vision/mission is right on and the membership profess to be into the/their own depths.
And I begin with the picture of Ponyrider and my drawing of her core – all alone…still…no words, no album and began creating personal photo albums... for I so wanted this magical child of wonder + awe [naïve innocence], still alive and well…deep within me…to be healed and free from all the traumatic journeys endured, accumulated and embedded upon the many subtle bodies of my energy fields. Again, I had no idea what I was doing or how this would turn out, but it all unfolded to this moment…point in time – today, where I can share and speak about my personal motivation, what might be the purpose, meaning – hopes would these Photo Albums created be helpful for me and/or the DPA community?
There are 4 Personal Traumatic Healing Albums representative of all the anomalous, phenomenal experiences from across my lifespan I am aware of and organized into specific time frames [not sure about that either right now], simply going with the flow of this peak experience:
1) #0 Pre/Peri and Post-Natal phenomena
2) #1 Birth to Age 29
3) #2 Mid-life Ages 30 – 53
4) #3 Golden Oldie Ages 54 – onward and upward…
Concurrently, I created the 9 Themes of Grief Albums and selected introductory images into each theme to provide examples for members in our community with the hopes that they might share some of their images that are representative of the content contained with a particular theme. A few members have shared images and I inserted them into a theme I believed they belonged in.
I will continue to connect with my personal albums, shift and move the photos around, as the spirit moves me, with the hope that words may be formed that go along with the anomalous [numinous, phenomenal] experiences encountered…and continue to be deeply affected by…my NDE birth calling transcended me backward causality [need to look this up] into my life’s journey: suspended, deeply embedded in the depths of my heart and soul…connecting with others…also seeking connection with mercy to be transformed into the realm of the Silver Linings of Core Healing…
I would be honoured to receive your images for insertion into the Theme of Grief of your choosing. Perhaps you want to create your own albums. Feel free to utilize the ‘4 Album - Across Your Lifespan” container concept or the ‘9 Individual Albums for the Themes of Grief’ container concept. All I know today is deeply embedded anomalous [numinous, phenomenal] experiences – images can be creatively contained, gently and spiritually worked with. If you have any feedback, insights or questions about my personal healing journey from across my lifespan, please do connect with me in my living years. The here and now is good… find the image contained in any of my 4 Albums that speaks to you or you have questions about and I will try [do my best] to find the words and respond.
Grievers who do their grief work make great lovers of life!
Have a nice day. Peace + Love Linda
TOG #2.5 – HURTING: DUSK of DARK STORY DAY:
Following every storm, we will search for a “silver lining.”
During shock/trauma response fight to survive the going into and coming out our darkest, stormy cloudy day experiences/times; we shift into altered dimensions of time, space and our triune being and held belief systems. We endure, imagine, hope there is help and light at the end of dark tunnels moments and the sooner, the better. No matter how short or long the intensity of chaotic energies last, where the cloak of darkness of bleak moments abound; no matter how overpowered and impotent we may feel in the imminent danger zone with potential for damage and destruction [surreal, real or imagined], deliverance out of oppressive dead zones - scary, cruel manifestations of dark forces in formidable spaces onto a new pathway by the tree, milky way and river bursts forth in the dusk where glowing ambers and shimmering light of everything shines forth.
Peace + Love Linda
TOG: 2nd Theme – Hurt As I completed Being Stopped theme in my previous Google+ 6 week celebration, I shall leave my grief work sharing there. I do want to acknowledge the generous offers of 16 photos/posters selected from the photographers for this theme. I previously posted 2 – In the Abyss + Sunsets Between Them and I presently remain speechless and strongly connected with those 2 photos.
I will proceed onward + upward into the next theme – hurt. According to Susan Carter’s research, thematic analysis of this theme inherent in the phenomena of bereavement, the following content was gleamed from the participants grievous stories: feeling intense sorrow, sadness + pain; teary thinking about the loss event + able to cry; feeling hit hard, stabbed, shattered, crushed, wounded and burdened with a heavy weight; experiencing painful guilt, burning anger, hatred + sorrowful wishes or regrets; feeling like you can’t stand it, have no relief, a permanent scar and need to heal. I selected 17 photo/poster submissions from the photographers in Google+ in February 2015 for this theme and strongly connected with 10/17 [59%] representative of the “hurt” I was experiencing prior to my grief healing retreat. I previously posted 2.1 Peaks of Angst and 2.3 OMG – Going Into My Black Hole of Grief which were shared in my previous post along with the Upper Arrow Falls sketch and poem. I remain speechless concerning my strong connection to the 2.3 OMG – Going Into My Black Hole of Grief, so I shall simply move on and share the next photo: 2.4 Deep Sorrow encroaches upon me where the words that came to me when I gazed at this photo. As Robert Romanyshn so brilliantly named his video – Antarctica: Inner Journeys in the Outer World; captured landscape moments continue to connect deeply within me. Up until the slow breakdown of protection from my trauma amnesia barrier, I had no idea I carried so much pain in my body and had so much grief in my soul. Pain is both a good motivator and teacher. The manifestation of the now accumulated + thwarted trauma responses contained in my Trauma Vortex container felt like a broken lower back, a volcano in my thorax with a resting breath rate of 30 + heart rate of 120. During my SRT treatment that spanned 2 years, I was diagnosed with post-trauma migraines, Graves Disease and a mild degree of Alexithymia [feelings with no words] and knowing helped me understand why I was suffering so and unable to shed a tear when I wanted to [both tears of joy + pain from across my lifespan]. One of my healing assignments was to watch the video: In America and the father figure has a more severe degree of Alexithymia than I and he definitely was misunderstood in regards to his traumatic bereavement – loss of a child. I highly recommend this movie as an aid in grief healing. Peace + Love Linda
My Healed Core Sense of Self
1999 – This drawing was created using acrylics during a visit with a friend where we decided to draw our now healed sense of ourselves. I completed my healing of traumatic bereavement work concerning my brother and most of my ancestry healing of family tree work. On the back I scribed: It is hard for me to find the words to describe this past years experiences and transformations. The change in my sense of self since my 1st mandala  keeps my heart at my centre, but this time I notice I placed my heart upside down… have aligned and reconciled myself and my mother with our traumatic left footling breech NDE. I am lovingly and eternally bound, trauma bonded – birth, death, hibernation, suspension, resurrection…insightful awareness – always strongly bonded to my beloved, departed sister and brother [also breech deliveries, but not NDE] … beyond understanding. We are each other’s spiritual keepers…keeping each other in high regard so the Almighty can shepherd us.
2004 – 2005 Aware of a sense of a volcano residing inside my thorax, post-trauma migraines + blew my thyroid…sought help + found Self-Regulation Therapy [SRT]. During training + personal work was able to experience a deep core healing within to “time zero.” Informed I had a mild degree of alexithymia and it was wonderful to finally be able to release a tear.
2006 – 2012 Helped my husband fight his battle against cancer and witnessed his miracle cure! Worked hard to clean up our financial debt, so we could retire. I retired from nursing and my husband retired from his aircraft mechanic career. Found DPA site and felt a strong connection to founder, Bonnie + video Antarctica: Inner Journeys in the Outer World narrated by Robert.
February 2015 wanted to celebrate achieving the milestone of 50 years of service in the helping professions, so started Blog Posts named Photopoetic Megamomentaries utilizing photos with the 9 Themes of Grief. TOG] and poems as a way to help friends, fellow sojourners and myself share grief + healing stories.
What an adventure since my 1st rude awakening in 1983 to my current state of healing and sense of contentment in 2015. Quite the dash! I continue to struggle with speechless moments, but now I have a way and a community to connect and be with. Peace + Love Linda
Into My Depth: Reflecting Back Upon Significant Dashes Times
My husband + I attended a funeral service yesterday and the sister of the deceased read a poem about “The Dashes” that reminds us that it is not the day your born nor the day you die, but how you spend and what you do with the years in between named - the dash.
I remain so grateful I survived all my NDE’s plus got to live such a good life for so long. I spent 55 years in the depths of numinous [anomalous] experiences, recovering and being humbled serving brave souls met during moments along their healing journeys. At this stage in my life it is now easier to reflect [backwards] in appreciation, honouring my willing attitude that kept me steadfast during my slow, but sure, transformations at the right time! My mantra remains as long as there is breath, there is hope for healing. The deep abiding love and faith at my core sustains me. In many ways, I remained true to myself, my ancestors - roots, the imprints, blueprints and gifts/blessings revealed and provided to me during my formative plus years engaged in healing. So much depth, so vast - it has taken me until now to understand myself enough to find the words and give voice to the ground, roads and journey I have travelled. So much mystery – surreal phenomena in so many varied experiences.
In this particular blog post, I would like to begin to share condensed versions of pivotal healing moments. The first gift I received in 1989 was the discovery [being led] to the work of Stephen Levine. In a small group assignment we presented topics on death + dying. I read Stephen’s “Guided Meditation On Dying” and it touched me deeply. Prior to leading a small group using this meditation, I wanted to read the meditation [over the phone] to a fellow presenter for practice. It is one thing to read words and it is another to speak them out loud to another. I had a panic attack with much difficulty breathing.
The second gift was discovering [being led] to the research work of Susan Carter’s - 9 Themes of Grief . Reading her work was just what I needed to find a way to begin the healing of my own accumulated, unprocessed and multifaceted traumatic bereavement. From the foundation of her work, I created an objective, trauma research instrument named TOG that I personally used and found helpful during my own personal grief healing work that spanned 15 years.
In the midst of my phenomenal experiences with grief, I often wondered:
In the Abyss [Black Hole or The Void] Of my Grief + Sunsets Between Them are the two photos I strongly connected with concerning the 1st Theme – Being Stopped.
1st Theme: Being Stopped:
Interruption in life with various types and degrees of dysfunction; feeling stuck in time; the loss seems unreal and surprised you; feeling helpless, overpowered and out of control - devastated; unable to think, feel, eat, sleep and act; unprepared and not ready for the quality + duration of grief; a sense of being froze in time and sorrowful revelations about this loss.
If any members of DPA would like a copy of TOG for your own personal grief healing work, I would be happy to send you a pdf copy.
Correction Passion Tunnel by Anna F in Barcelona [not Italy].
This past 5 weeks have been good for me. I was able to attend several webinars, learning how to use this site, endeavouring to share and say more in my blog, participated in the Conversations between a psychologist and poet that helped me to finish a poem I started in my February Google+ launch [6 weeks] introducing the idea of working through the themes of grief experiences.
The first theme of grief - being stopped was completed there and 16 photos accompanied that work.
The second theme of grief is hurting. I personally processed the majority of my hurt in 1992 where in my heart I truly and deeply experienced the saying - "We are our brothers keeper." My beloved brother's decline and death from AIDs was the 'final' straw that broke my camels back and knew working through the hurt was essential.
The first photo I was drawn to for expression of the hurting theme is by Rajal Singh and my caption for this photos is "OMG - going into the black hole of my grief. My brother visited the valley of death 9 times before he was finally able to surrender, let go and die. He died hard, it was cruel and I felt like we were transported back in time - to Old Testament days - in the leprosy caves. There was not much medical experience with his manifesting profile - bowel, brain [not lung, skin].
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